Experiencing Grief While Away from Family
I want to start this post by acknowledging all of the people across the globe who lost a loved one due to the coronavirus. My thoughts and prayers are, and have been, with you. Over the last year, so many people experienced grief in an unnaturally lonely and isolating way. Countless family members were robbed of the chance to say their final goodbyes to loved ones and, in their hardest moments, those people could not even receive a comforting hug due to fear of the virus.
Thankfully, that is not my story. I am so aware of how blessed I am to have made it this far without losing someone close to me due to the virus. However, I have recently lost someone close to me and have been grieving in an unnaturally lonely and isolating way myself. I hope that by sharing this I can help someone else who is feeling the same.
So, This is My Story
I currently live in Rhode Island and my family lives in Eastern Pennsylvania, which is roughly four and a half hours away. Moving away from my hometown has always been a dream of mine. I am a firm believer that the very best things in life happen when you go outside of your comfort zone. As I was saving up and planning my move, everyone gave me unsolicited advice about paying rent, filing taxes, and leaving home for the first time. One thing that no one thought to prepare me for was the first time I would lose a loved one while away from my family.
In January my cousin Brittany passed away at just 28 years old. I got the call from my mom at 11 pm and broke down in my roommate’s lap. I was fortunate enough to head home the very next day and spend the following two weeks with my family, grieving. However, when those two weeks were up and it was time to head back to Rhode Island I was terrified, heartbroken, and still grieving.
Losing a loved one is never easy. Whether unexpected or anticipated, young or old, sensible or unjust, death is never easy. In times of grief and loss, people lean on one another for comfort and support. So, what happens when you are grieving and your people aren’t there to hold you up?
If you are traveling the world, away at college, or living away from family this can be a whole different aspect to grief. That distance can make you feel more alone, as if you are the only one struggling with the loss. You may feel more external pressure to hold yourself together because you are not surrounded by the rest of your family who is also falling apart. Maybe the people you’re with didn’t know your loved one and they can’t reminisce with you about the good old days.
3 Things That Are Helping Me
- Never forget the power of a phone call. Call up someone who you know is also struggling. Remember that you are not the only one suffering this loss. No matter the distance, your love for the one you have lost will always tie you together.
- Don’t be ashamed to go home. Take time off of work, book the flight or make the road trip, and crash on someone’s couch where you know you can cry together. Stay in your hometown for way longer than you ever planned to, if that’s what you need. It is normal to need more than your 3 days of bereavement to feel okay again.
- Give yourself grace and time. Don’t let society pressure you into going “back to normal” before you are ready. Your life will be forever changed when you lose someone so close to your heart, so don’t worry about getting back to it. Whether you pick things up the next week, the next month, or the next year, it may never be the same again. Give yourself the time to adjust to all that and give yourself the grace to know that no amount of time will take things back to how they were before your loss.
If you are grieving please know that you are not alone and whatever you are feeling is valid. You are allowed to experience joy and happiness and laughter during grief. You are allowed to experience anger, frustration, and confusion during grief. You may feel everything all at once or nothing at all for some time and it is all okay. It is all normal.
Special thanks to Eamon and Bec for sharing their grief with the world. You have shown me that it is okay and can even help others. Had you not shared your grief with me, I am not sure I would have the courage to share mine. #speakupforlee